“And his disciples asked him, ‘Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?’ Jesus answered, ‘It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him.'” John 9:2-3 (Context: John 9)
These same words have been asked about me. “Do you have unconfessed sin?” “What generational curse is upon you?”
An elder once told me the reason I had not been healed was because there was someone in my immediate family that did not believe in my healing.
And of course there’s the biggie: “If you only had more faith, you would be healed.”
As I was a young bride and mother I dealt with Christians speaking this over me. This lead me to the point of pure exhaustion. I became detached, sad, and confused. I was sure Alex and the kids would do better without me.
Does God still heal? Does God love me? Did I do something horribly wrong to deserve this suffering? Is my family better off without me? The answers took a while to come to, but they are, in this order: YES!, YES!, NO!, NO!
At 12 my sister was diagnosed with muscular dystrophy. This turned our entire world upside down. Our home was never the same. I was diagnosed at the age of 19. I moved out of my house the next month. I could not go through that again. I was in denial for about 10 years, never speaking a word about it. I met Alex. Shared with him. We soon were married and had three beautiful children, but with time, more symptoms arose. I was convinced the words that had been spoken over me were correct and I needed to do whatever it took to “get healed.” I prayed my confessions, I meditated, I begged God, I cried out to him for my healing!
I started having trouble going up steps/stairs. I would make myself go up the step over and over again when no one was around. I would fall and get back up, trying again, this time with more faith! Nothing I did improved my physical condition. I finally gave up. I was so tired.
In time, I began to feel a pull towards seeking my healing once again. I let Alex in this time and we agreed that God does heal. That God does love me and that I am needed. Christ began to first heal my broken heart, then He moved to my mind. He started healing relationships around me. He was there for even the everyday things like giving me strength when I fell in the grocery store, to get up and keep shopping.
I went to the MDA clinic a few months back. My outside muscles are weak, but my heart, lungs, test results all came back normal. My doctor shared with me that I should be in congestive heart failure at my age with this particular MD. I shared with him that I asked the Lord to heal me or sustain me and He has heard and answered my prayer.
I am now in a place of pure joy & contentment. I could not ask for a better life. Would I like to walk? Of course! But that is in God’s hands. I made a decision about 10 years ago. I could wait for my healing to be used by God, or I could be used along the way. I chose the latter. God has healed me, in so many ways. God has also used my wheelchair in so many ways. I know my Redeemer lives. I know He understands all my suffering and the sufferings of my family. I know that He will never forsake me or leave me. I tried to leave, but my Father would not let me go. He is a good, good Father!
Jody Farmer
Jody is our Rector’s wife, a development manager, and the mother of three adult children.